There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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