I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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