nut hugger
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
