There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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