tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
