Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
