im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
