I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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