I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
