Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
