You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
