Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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