Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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