You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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