he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize