I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
