Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
