I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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