You smell like stripper and shame
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So vagazzling was a success
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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