she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I AM VODKA MAN
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
