Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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