If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My feet surprised me
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