The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well I just put wine in my tea
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
