Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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