is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
