Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
