I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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