i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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