I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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