Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
