I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
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Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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