but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
