You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
