I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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