I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
