if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
