So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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