I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
