mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
