Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
