Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
