Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
