Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize