you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a search helicopter?!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
