I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
