it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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