Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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