So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
