Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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