I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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