So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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