What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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