cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
