I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
