The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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