We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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