i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize