I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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