i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
